Is it time to let go?

If you have experienced a miscarriage, still birth, or your pregnancy terminated for another reason, it is important to honor your experience and to actively grieve and let go. Here is one simple way to connect with your highest self, soul and baby as part of your process of releasing and letting go.

Choose a time and place.

Pick a time when you or you and your partner have some quiet time. Bring all of your thoughts, feelings and emotions. It’s ok for this to be messy. You do not have to be resolved in order to create an effective ritual.

You might make a circle of rose petals, or light a candle for each of you and place in front of you or in between you if you are doing this with a partner. You might want a notebook. You could even do this in the bath with fragrant bath oil and rose petals—something soothing and sensual for you. Whatever feels nurturing and safe for you is the right place.

When you are ready, ask to connect with your own soul. You can imagine being encompassed by a light that forms a sphere around you.

Ask to be connected to the Earth and to you spiritual Source, God or Goddess, Heaven—whatever your belief is, invoke that.

If you are with your partner, imagine that your hearts and the hearts of your souls are connecting.

Then ask to connect with the baby spirit. Thank it for coming, for the experience of knowing it for a brief time. You likely will not feel the energy, presence or essence of the child in the same way. Once they leave they sometimes go fairly “far away” and it is not as easy to feel their energy. It’s OK. Just allow the experience to be what it is for you.

Notice any guilt feelings you have about losing the baby, any angry feelings, any desperation. Notice how these feelings exist in relation to the energy and light of your Soul.

Allow angels to come to comfort the part of you that is very upset if you are feeling that way. You might say, “I ask for angels of the highest light and nurturing love to surround me (us). I ask for help. I ask for peace and the healing of my heart, my body, my mind, our relationship.” (You can ask for whatever feels true for you, these are just some ideas).


When you feel calm and centered, ask the baby what it’s purpose for coming was. Ask what it came to give you. Ask what it received from you.

“Why did you come to me/us?”

“What was the gift you came to bring?”

“What did you come to learn?”

“What did you receive?”

“Is there something more that we need to do together, to understand, before we let each other go?”

Take a moment between these questions to breathe and receive. You may hear words, you may hear nothing. You may want to write and see what sort of free-writing comes. Put pen to paper and see if anything wants to flow. If you are with a partner or friend, share impressions, sensations, thoughts and images with one another.

Do not judge yourself if you cannot hear, trust that at some level, you are connecting and exchanging information. You are receiving a piece that you need in order to let go, to heal, and to open again when it’s time.

When you feel ready, even if you simply sit in silence for a while, bring the connection and exchange with the baby to a close.

Thank the baby for coming.

You can use your imagination to give it a gift. Whatever you imagine is perfect. Allow the baby to give you a gift as well. Breathe it in, take it into your body.

Then, as you begin to release the soul, thank this being. Fill your body with gratitude and send a wave from your heart to the heart of the baby.

Imagine the baby’s energy sphere is moving away or dissolving into light. You could ask the angels to carry the baby to heaven or to open a place of light for the baby to travel into.

You can say, “Thank you. Thank you. Thank you” to the angels, the baby, or simply as a mantra or emanation from your heart.

Bring your energy back to yourself, back to the two of you if you are with your mate. This is done simply by imagining and focusing on your body, your heart, your weight, the sensations in your body, the boundary of your skin. The area you share with your partner, his or her body, breath and presence.

Then fully back to yourself. Feel your connection to the Earth. 

Be grateful for your body, your life, your love.

Take your time coming back.

Affirm that you are whole and safe.

Affirm that your timing is perfect and elegant.

Affirm that your body is wise. Thank your body.

I trust my body.

I trust my timing.

I surrender to our perfect, divine timing.

I trust my process.

I allow my system the time it needs to heal.

I honor my own process.

I affirm my desire to open and receive a child when the timing is right, and I give myself all the time I need to rest and heal.

Thank your partner, breathe, and when you are ready blow out the candles and dismantle the environment you have created, knowing that no matter what happened, you have created an experience of healing and completion for all involved.

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