Is it motherhood no matter what for you?
Some women become moms and some don’t. Some women don’t want to be moms. It’s not their thing. But there are many who desperately want to create a family who are struggling for one reason or another to bring this dream of having children and a family of their own into reality. Why is it that some of the ones who struggle become moms and others do not?
On the surface, the women in the category of wanting to be a mom but struggling may seem to be the same. They might even have the same diagnosis or challenges, labeled with infertility, advanced maternal age, or experiencing multiple miscarriages.
Of course you can attribute infertility and miscarriage to biology and other factors, yes. But why are these women that seem the same experiencing different outcomes? Is it random? Is it fate? Is there anything else going on that if identified, could help these women who desire to become a mother create a family?
I have observed key characteristics in women who beat the odds.
One of the factors I observed was the ones who were dogged in their commitment became moms. I call it motherhood no matter what. That phrase came to me and it’s central to my philosophy, a key that lights the pathway to motherhood when it might seem completely dark.
This is a very good thing to figure out. Is it motherhood no matter what for you? How far are you willing to go? Are you willing to open your mind and heart to alternate pathways than what you have planned (ie. what about adoption, IVF, surrogacy?) Are you willing to dive into uncomfortable feelings that might be buried from a childhood trauma? Are you willing to leave your partner if that is what is called for? Are you willing to have a child on your own? Is motherhood the priority for you? Do you feel like it is an important part of your life purpose to be a mother?
Second, they created a team around them and they stuck with that team for a good amount of time, they didn’t just hop from one strategy to the next when it didn’t yield a pregnancy or baby right away. They did their work, they got into the tough places. They resourced themselves well.
And then they showed flexibility. They allowed the Divine Feminine to lead their journey. Your baby may have a plan of his own about how he wants to come and as with parenting, there are things you simply cannot control in this process of becoming a parent.
Some examples for you of women who overcame their obstacles:
♥ A woman who had experienced 8 miscarriages and whose doctors had all but given up on her came into my practice. She and her husband dove into the layers in their personalities, emotions, bodies and souls that were creating blocks to becoming parents. 5 months of coming into alignment with their baby’s energy, unearthing and clearing uncomfortable patterns to heal and overcome, they became pregnant and carried to term a healthy baby boy.
♥ A woman who when she came was committed to an all natural pregnancy and birth. I admire that! However she was completely resistant to traditional medicine because of an influential figure in her life who was a doctor, and the experiences she’d had as a child that lead her to reject traditional medicine as a possibility for herself. She was able to open and surrender to what she actually needed in order to conceive. She emailed me a picture of herself with her newborn twins and thanked me for helping her open her mind and heart to the divine plan of how her twins needed to get to her. She was over the moon with healthy babies.
♥ A woman who had been in fertility hell for 2 years, received a call that a baby needed a home due to a tragic accident. Because of one group session we had done, she was able to recognize when she got the phone call that this child was her child, the one she’d been preparing for. In that moment, with chills throughout her body and her heart opening wide, she dropped her formerly rigid agenda and surrendered to motherhood through adoption and was over the moon with gratitude. This was her little girl.
♥ Another woman struggled for 3 years with fertility and then chose surrogacy. Her journey to motherhood was harrowing, she is one of the most dogged women I’ve ever met. It was truly motherhood no matter what for her as she navigated another couple years of legal nightmares, 100% committed and it was all worth it for her.
♥A 39 year old woman realized it was motherhood no matter what for her and decided to leave her beloved husband who was unwilling to have children with her. She was heartbroken, but committed. In her timeline she met a wonderful man, got married and had 2 healthy children.
These are remarkable stories of women who are just like you. It was motherhood no matter what for every single one of them.
And you know what? For a lot of women, it is not motherhood no matter what. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. It is not better to be one way or the other. In my opinion what’s better is to be true to what is right for you. To realize that it’s not and choose it is healing and empowering. If you think motherhood is absolutely for you or if you aren’t sure yet, then take your journey to the limit, to the absolute line that it is for you. If you reach a point where you just can’t or don’t wish to go further, claim it. Heal and grieve and reclaim your generative power for the expression of your purpose through other means. That is just as heroic as the stories above.
Some examples could be that you decide that your marriage is your priority, and you choose that over having children. You might find that healing childhood trauma you experienced is just too much too fast and you don’t want to put yourself through that healing process at an accelerated pace. Maybe your body is so so tired from all of the hormones and medical procedures and you decide that is enough, that you don’t want to put yourself through it any longer, maybe it’s a financial reason. Some women realize it wasn’t their dream to begin with, it was the influence of their culture, their family, their friends or their partner’s dream. It’s OK to shift gears, complete this phase of your life and move on.
If you can give yourself the gift of your commitment, of playing full out and going for it you will be able to achieve peace and completion. You will either become a mom in your own unique way, or you will know that you did everything in your power that you are willing and capable of doing, and you are complete.
Navigating this journey as an empowered, conscious woman sets you up for success as a mom or for the rest of your life at peace with your decision to refocus your generative power and energy. You won’t have regrets or wonder what might have been if only you’d have tried something else.
Is it motherhood no matter what for you?