I was pregnant and didn't want to be.

Sitting in a hotel ballroom surrounded by a couple hundred other people, I felt a pinch in my lower abdomen. Suspecting what was happening, I turned to look at my good friend sitting next to me. We were in a meditation seminar, so we could sort of whisper but not really talk. My friend at the time was a fertility genius, an herbalist and acupuncturist. I knew what had just happened, without words I just looked at her, she looked at me, and nodded. She said she saw a grid of light set up all around my uterus/lower abdomen. We both knew I was pregnant.

Now, I wanted to be pregnant at this time in my life. I desired a co-creative partner and was dating a man that I loved. At that time of our relationship, I was deciding what to do as I had serious concern. I loved the baby daddy, but he didn’t love me. Not in a committed, raise-a-family kind of way. My age was such that I couldn’t just “see where it goes” or “hope for the best.” He was not showing up in the ways I wanted, not only for myself, but also for any children I might have.

For the next 3 days and nights, this being, a girl, talked to me nonstop.

I listened, I prayed.

I put three bubbles up using my inner sight. One of me, one of my then boyfriend, and one of us together. I asked her to show me who she had a soul agreement with. She went straight for the bubble that contained only my boyfriend. She really wasn’t interested in me, but I was acceptable to her. She just wanted to get here to be with him.

This happens a lot. And oftentimes then the next question might be, “Do I have a soul agreement to play this part, to help this man and child be together?”

From my experience, sometimes the answer is yes, and sometimes it is no. When I asked in this scenario, the answer was a clear no. So in theory, it should be my free will to say yes or to say no.

However, on some level, my boundaries and consciousness had allowed her to come in.

Did I still have any say? Was it too late?

Did my free will matter at this stage in our connection?

When I became clear that I did not want to be pregnant in this way, at this time, with this man, I let her know and asked her to leave. Naively, I expected her to honor my free will and to go. Instead, she dug in harder. She wasn’t going anywhere.

After a mild panic I felt the truth of who I am and said, “Ok then. If you will not honor my free will, then I will show up for you and be the absolute best mom you could ever imagine having. I will love you 100%. Please show me your Purpose. I will support you in your Divine Purpose 100%.”

And she took me into a kitchen of Sicilian Grandmothers, Aunts and women. Her lineage. Her purpose had to do with this lineage. The baby daddy of course, was Sicilian.

I said, “That is beautiful. I will support you. And because I will be your mother, you will be exposed to and also involved in the energy of my Divine Purpose. I will be a part of your life. So I will show you my Purpose, now.”

And I showed her the field of my energy and Purpose. I let her view whatever she wanted to view and to ask questions. After a while, she was complete with looking at all of that and understood. She said, “I am not interested in that. I am going to go.”

And I felt a waterfall of energy leaving from my root area.

I asked my friend and she said that grid was gone.

I took a pregnancy test and it was positive, and I thought, “Oh well. I guess I’m having this baby.” Part of me was excited, and I cried. I doubted whether the energy release I’d felt was real, whether that whole exchange had had the effect I’d understood.

A few days later, I bled.

If you find yourself in a situation where you aren’t sure or you know that you do not want an unplanned pregnancy, what can you do?

–Of course, there are preceding steps–steps of being really consciously connected with your body, steps of being clear about who you are having sex with, how careful you are being, all of that. I know someone who got pregnant using condoms and birth control pills, though, so unless you are abstinent, you need to engage your conscious mind and your body connection and your clear decision about when you would like to welcome a child.