Is getting a “good” kid the luck of the draw?
Driving with a friend yesterday I was complimenting her on her parenting skills. Her daughter is graduating from High School this year and has been a delight to raise. They have a great relationship and her daughter has stayed out of trouble. I commended her for her role in maintaining a harmonious and productive relationship with her teen daughter. She’s a single mom and in my mind she deserves a lot of acknowledgment.
She responded, “That’s just how she was born.” She continued to say that she has a friend whose child overdosed this year. Twice. She said, “But they are good people.” In her mind, the fact that her daughter is well adjusted and their son is having struggles has nothing to do with how they were parented. It is entirely due to the child and what they came in with.
I don’t agree. Being a good person doesn’t mean that by default you are a good parent. And what is a good parent, anyway? Many of my clients are super achievers. They are conscious of every last flaw and intend to heal and overcome and be a better mom. While admirable, it’s not realistic and also, not helpful to constantly think you aren’t good enough.
But the opposite, in my opinion might be worse. On the surface what looks to you like a good person with a troubled child might be baffling. In part my friend is right, but there is more to understand. When I shared with my friend this information, she had aha after aha thinking about her friend and simply the things she knew about this woman’s journey, including events that occurred during her friend’s pregnancy and at the birth.
For the purposes of this post series, I’m going to simplify things a bit. Let’s say there are two major streams of influence for an incoming soul. There is the karmic lineage and the ancestral line.
What this means to me is that the soul has had many incarnations on Earth and has developed beliefs and has stored traumas. On the soul’s journey, each incarnation is an opportunity to evolve, learn and take another turn on the spiral toward wholeness and being source in a body. There are factors at play that many of us in the West don’t even acknowledge as influences.
For example, let’s say you died heroically in a bloody battle, or were massacred on tribal lands. Oftentimes an aspect of your soul will be stuck in that place and time. So you incarnate in this life and have an unexplained pain in your shoulder your whole life. You might even be drawn to an area that you can’t explain why you need to go or why you get shivers when you are there, but your soul is calling you to the spot where that happened.
Your recurring pain could be this dissociated aspect of your soul trying to get your attention so that it can transition, or “go to the light”. When that happens, a part of your soul returns home, and your shoulder will “miraculously” heal. This may seem normal to you if you have had this experience, or may seem incredibly far-fetched. I could tell you story after story of healing non-healing wounds, chronic pain for myself and even cancer for one of my clients by doing this work. It’s real.
It is absolutely true that you as a soul have your own lessons and your own journey, and that to some degree, the struggles and triumphs you experience, your gifts and blindspots, are related to your soul age, soul development, and learning objectives you have set for yourself in this life.
In this way, my friend is accurate. Your child’s journey is theirs. Their soul is in charge. They have their own guidance system and in many ways, you are simply a guardian to help them when for a time while they are developing, learning to be independent and self-sufficient.
But there is a big conversation to have about everything that you or anyone in your lineage has not dealt with and how that passes down the line to the souls who incarnate into your family. Did you know that your unresolved trauma is stored in you and will imprint onto your baby’s limbic brain at birth?
Let’s take a look at the next piece of this puzzle in the next post. Don’t worry! It’s not as “bad” or scary as it sounds. But, if you are already a parent or considering becoming a parent and want to do it consciously, it would be an act of love and self-responsibility to bring this to consciousness.
To Be Continued…