Some of the babies that I work with are very, very bright beings and they are coming with a clear purpose and mission for their life. They would like to hit the ground running, to be welcomed and nurtured by parents for their own unique purpose. I see them choosing strong parents, oftentimes I see women in their late 30’s to mid 40’s who’ve suddenly been captivated by one of these baby beings. They have a strong response to this connection, desire to have a child, and yet of course–the unknown of what their lives will be like as a mom can create a hesitancy or unconscious block to conception.

Some of my clients seem to be afraid that having a child will add too much to their plate, and wonder how will they accomplish their own big vision and life purpose. It can be difficult to commit 100% to becoming a parent when you have such a full vision for your life, and when you are comfortable with the dynamics of your own life as you’ve known it. This seems to be especially challenging for women in their 30’s and 40’s who already have established careers, relationships, homes and life patterns.

If this resonates for you, what can you do? How can you resolve this and become clear?

Honestly, it will require a leap of faith and trusting your heart. And yet, there are also practical tools and steps that might help you.

First I’d like to say that when I see this, I also see how these brilliant baby beings can contribute to your expansion and the fulfillment of your life purpose. While I am under no illusion that it may be very challenging to manage everything once you are a mom, I do believe that the energy and presence that the child will bring you has the quality of synergy to it. It’s greater than additive, meaning that the whole family system will receive a huge boost by welcoming these children. It will require everyone involved to grow and to organize their energy differently perhaps, but it’s an amazing and unique opportunity.

If you are struggling, here are two practical things you can do.

1. Ask yourself on a scale of 0-100% how committed you are today to this decision. See how that feels. Are you comfortable making a commitment and proceeding at 60%? Can you make peace with that? Check in with yourself and bring your awareness to your particular ambivalence. It seems to be completely normal to have some ambivalence about such a huge decision about how you are going to spend your female generative energy! And so be gentle with yourself. I know plenty of women who are moms, who would absolutely do it again, and who have doubts at times, wonder what it would have been like to have made a different decision or chosen a different timing to start their family. And I know single women who adore their lives and choices, but sometimes wonder what it would have been like. It seems to me this is just part of being a woman. Only you can know which choice is best for you, and you most likely know this in your heart and in your gut.

2. Start a baby journal. Give yourself some kind of timeline–a deadline by which you’ll decide, and break up that timeline into weekly or daily segments. You can spend one full week exploring and pretending that you’ve 100% decided YES you are going to pursue your desire for a child. Go to baby stores. Read baby and mothering magazines. Offer to babysit on these days for a friend who would love a mani-pedi break. Journal your thoughts and feelings and plans on these days. Keep track of how you feel on these days. And then for the equal amount of time, alternate with NO days, days where you try on that you’ve decided 100% that you are at no, you are not choosing to be a parent. On those days, journal your thoughts and plans about this, go do things that have nothing to do with children, really get into the fact you’ve decided not to. And notice your physical and emotional responses on these days. At the end of your agreed upon time period, check in with yourself again. Do you know what you most desire?

There are lots of things you can do, and I think these two things are simple and might help you get clear if you aren’t sure. As with anything we have not yet experienced, there may be some trepidation, it’s normal! It does appear though, with all of the models of amazing women and men out there who also have kids, that yes! You can fulfill your life’s purpose and vision AND have a baby, and sometimes those two callings go hand in hand.

2 Responses to “Live my Life Purpose AND have a baby?”